I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
