my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
