do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
