my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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