i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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