is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize