is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
