i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
