For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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