thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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