Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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