hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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