I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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