theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
