I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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