She is in my trunk
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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