Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
