just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
