Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
