yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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