we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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