am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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