he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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