they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
