So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize