Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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