anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
