I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
