I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
