I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
