I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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