I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
