my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
