i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
