a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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