Farmville is her only friend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
