Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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