He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize