Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
