I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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