she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
