What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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