Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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