Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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