Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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