SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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