i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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