Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
