my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I came so hard my ears popped.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
