put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
