His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
