You don't have asthma, your pregnant
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
