**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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