People with herpes should wear stickers.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
