Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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