Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
