i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
