Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
from now on my penis is your penis
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
