sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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