there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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