Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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