just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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