your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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