I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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