I wish you could order shots online.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
