the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
