Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
