I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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