In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My balls are so social today.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
