good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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