he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize