If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
