Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
